Decided to pivot to a tech career. These books promised easy learning. They lied (or I'm just bad at it). Mostly unread, covers look nice on a shelf. Good for propping up wobbly furniture.

Bought this with grand plans of printing everything from desk organizers to cosplay props. Printed a single, terrible calibration cube and decided it was too much work. Comes mostly assembled, probably needs calibration. Includes half a spool of dusty PLA filament.

Mastered easy Sudoku, moved to advanced. Advanced was too advanced. Books are mostly empty. For brainiacs only.

Supposedly makes amazing coffee easily. It does make decent coffee, but the cleanup felt like a chore. Good for travel or making one cup at a time. Comes with filters and accessories.

Upgraded from brushes for smoother paint finishes. This is a basic airbrush with compressor. Used once, clogged it immediately. Requires cleaning and maintenance I wasn't willing to do.

Bought this thinking I'd be spotting new galaxies by Tuesday. Mostly saw blurry streetlights and disappointed birds. It's a standard beginner telescope, fine for looking at the moon or convincing yourself you saw Jupiter's moons before giving up and watching Netflix.

Planned to capture stunning images. Mostly took blurry photos of my cat. This is a basic DSLR camera body (Canon Rebel T6) and kit lens. Good for learning, if you stick with it. Battery and charger included.

Got a 'great' idea to give myself or friends stick-and-poke tattoos. Realized hygiene and skill are crucial. Kit includes needles, ink (sealed), and practice skin. Do NOT use this on yourself or others unless you are a professional. Seriously.

Combine raising fish and growing plants? What could go wrong? Apparently, keeping fish alive while also growing plants is harder than it looks. Includes small tank, grow bed, pump, and clay pebbles. No fish included (RIP Barry and the others).

Similar to the Pi, but more focus on electronics. Planned blinky lights and sensors. Got intimidated by wiring diagrams. Includes an Arduino board, breadboard, LEDs, resistors, sensors, and wires. Comes in a box, likely still in original anti-static bags.

Attempted to leave my body and explore the universe. Remained firmly stuck on the couch. This book offers various methods, none of which worked for me. Probably requires belief.

Decided to become a fancy writer of elegant notes and wedding invitations. Produced results that looked like a spider crawled through an inkwell. Set includes dip pens, various nibs, and ink. Be warned: ink stains are eternal, much like the shame of abandoning this hobby.

Decided to get into amateur radio. Talk to people around the world! Turns out it requires licenses and talking to strangers. This is a basic handheld transceiver, functional for listening in on local traffic or maybe annoying truckers.

Don't ask. We don't talk about the squirrel incident. This kit includes basic tools, stuffing, and a guide. No animals are included, thank goodness. For the truly adventurous (or disturbed).

Decided to learn a cheerful, easy instrument. Turns out 'easy' is subjective. This ukulele is perfectly good, maybe slightly out of tune (like my life choices). Comes with a book of 'easy' songs that require finger contortions I wasn't prepared for.

It seemed like fun? Didn't use it. Still in the bag. Jingly. Make of this what you will.

Decided to connect with nature. Mostly saw pigeons and squirrels slightly closer up. These are decent quality binoculars, good for spotting birds you can't identify anyway. Also useful for spying on neighbors (not recommended).

Had an idea for the next Catan. Read this book on game mechanics and balancing. Realized it's complicated. Book is informative, if you follow through.

Saw beautiful, intricate bullet journals online. Thought I could organize my life with pretty doodles and lists. My attempts looked like a toddler's fever dream. Includes a high-quality dot grid notebook (mostly empty) and various colored pens.

Thought knowing how to break down meat would be a useful skill. Read the first chapter and felt slightly nauseous. Book covers basic cuts. Unused, thankfully.

Thought making artisanal candles would be a chill hobby. Turns out getting the wick right is rocket science. Includes soy wax flakes, wicks, fragrance oils (cinnamon bun - smells okay), jars, and a pouring pot. Results may vary from 'fancy gift' to 'fire hazard'.

Needed a tripod for my photography phase. This one is lightweight, which is code for 'flimsy'. Gets the job done for static shots, maybe. Probably blew over in the wind once.

Fresh cheese at home! How delightful! My attempts resulted in sad, rubbery curds. Kit includes rennet, citric acid, and thermometer. Requires fresh milk and patience. And maybe a bit of magic.

Planned to become a sophisticated cigar aficionado. Bought this humidor. Never bought any cigars. It's a nice box, keeps things humid. Good for storing anything you need to keep damp.

Felt artistic, bought clay and tools. Made one sad, lopsided pot that cracked. Tools are fine, needs more clay and talent. Good for beginners.

Summer heat demanded cold brew. This system makes smooth cold brew concentrate. Works well, but takes 12+ hours and fridge space I didn't have. Includes brewing container and filter.

Fell down the CCG rabbit hole briefly. This is a bulk lot of Magic cards, mostly recent sets, probably nothing valuable. Good for starting a collection or just looking at the pretty pictures. Comes in a cardboard box.

Ventured down some internet rabbit holes. Bundle includes books on various theories (Flat Earth, JFK, Area 51). Mostly purchased to feel like I was 'waking up'. Turns out it just made me tired. Selling for cheap, make your own conclusions.

Elevated the beer drinking experience. Four different shaped glasses for different beer styles. Used a few times before deciding any glass works fine when you're on your third beer.

If knitting failed, crochet must be easier, right? Wrong. Bundle includes various hooks and partial skeins of yarn. Perfect for making wonky coasters or giving up quickly.

Felt the urge to send secret messages. This book covers simple ciphers like Caesar shifts and Vigenère. Useful for writing notes your mom can't read, less useful for actual espionage. Mostly unread.

Purchased with dreams of cinematic aerial shots and becoming a YouTube sensation. Turns out you need clear flight paths and the ability to not fly directly into trees. It's in 'good' condition, meaning it only has minor branch-related scratches. Comes with controller and one battery that lasts just long enough to lose signal.

Thought I could make resonant, earthy sounds. Mostly made loud, embarrassing noises. Travel size, looks cool. Requires circular breathing and not living in an apartment.

Purchased a license for some drawing/painting software during my digital art phase. Never actually installed or used the key. Maybe you'll make better use of it. Check if the key is still valid.

Decided I was going to become a digital artist. Used this drawing tablet once to draw a wonky circle. Works perfectly, driver software required. Requires artistic talent (not included).

Decided flying was cool, but crashing at high speed was cooler. These are basic First Person View goggles for drone racing. Used once before deciding the repair costs would bankrupt me. Requires a racing drone (not included, it's in pieces somewhere).

Planned epic quests with friends. Never managed to schedule a single session. Set includes rulebooks, dice, character sheets, and a starter adventure. Perfect for aspiring dungeon masters who can actually get their friends to commit.

Thought stitching pretty patterns would be a nice way to pass time. Made one wonky flower. Includes a wooden hoop, various colored threads, and a needle. For the detail-oriented (not me).

Attempted to curate a calming home environment through smells. Mostly made the house smell like a slightly confused hippy shop. Diffuser works well, comes with a few bottles of questionable quality oils (lavender, tea tree, 'relaxation blend').

Planned to save a fortune. Spent more time clipping coupons than the value I saved. Includes a massive accordion-style organizer filled with expired coupons. Good for sorting anything, really.

Tried making sauerkraut and kimchi. Produced results that smelled... powerful. Two ceramic fermentation crocks with weights. Perfect for making pungent foods your family will complain about.

Ah, peak 2020 retro. A collection of various fidget spinners I accumulated. Apparently, they were supposed to help with focus. They did not. Shiny, spinny, utterly useless.

Another attempt at 'living off the land'. This book is crucial for not accidentally poisoning yourself. Comes with notes about local parks and 'areas of interest'. Use caution.

Decided to dig up some ancient history. Found dirt. Tools include chisels, brushes, and safety goggles. Guide book is optimistic about finding dinosaur bones in the suburbs. Spoiler: you won't.

Yes, this actually happened. Small torch for working with glass beads or making small shapes. VERY DANGEROUS. Requires ventilation and common sense (I lacked both). Use at your own, significant risk.

Felt like becoming a blues musician. Learned 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' and quit. Set includes harmonicas in different keys. Good for campfire singalongs or annoying your pets.

Chased auditory perfection. These headphones are expensive and sound amazing, assuming the source material is high quality. Used them maybe five times before going back to earbuds for convenience.

Further expansion of the home bar. Includes a muddler for smashing fruits/herbs and a citrus juicer. Essential for making cocktails that aren't just liquor in a glass.

Got really into preserving food 'just in case'. Canned exactly two jars of questionable pickles before deciding it was too much effort. Includes canning pot, jar lifter, funnel, and various jars. Safety guide included (please read it).

Took the coffee obsession to a whole new, smoky level. This is a small batch home roaster. It works, but my smoke detector got more use than the roaster itself. Comes with a few pounds of green beans I'm pretty sure are past their prime.

Let's be clear: for essential oils and water purification only, wink wink. This is a small, counter-top still. Used once for 'science'. Requires caution and maybe a lawyer. Not responsible for your life choices.

Built a home gym in the living room, used it twice. Includes various resistance bands, a set of adjustable dumbbells (up to 25lbs each), and a yoga mat that's still in its plastic wrap. Perfect for collecting dust or pretending you're working out.

Thought I was going to be the next microbrewery sensation. Turns out, 'sanitation is key' is more than just a suggestion. This kit produced a batch that smelled faintly of regret and gym socks. Includes fermenter, airlock, siphon, bottle capper, and about 45 empty, sticky bottles. Good luck.

Planned to make unique gifts. Created some clunky bracelets that broke immediately. Includes various beads, wire, pliers, and clasps. For someone with more delicate hands.

The most accessible instrument. Turns out even making noise with a kazoo gets old. A collection of like, 10 kazoos. Offer ends when my eardrums recover.

The premise is simple: catch the ball on the stick. Achieving it is infuriatingly difficult. This is a standard Kendama. Good for testing your hand-eye coordination and tolerance for failure.

Thought learning kiteboarding would be cool post-lockdown. Bought a trainer kite. Realized it requires wind, open space, and not being afraid of being dragged across a field. Kite is functional, maybe slightly tangled.

Got really into sharp knives. Spent hours trying to get a razor edge. Achieved 'slightly less dull'. Includes a multi-grit whetstone and angle guide. Requires patience and a steady hand.

Dedicated myself to mastering useful knots. Learned about three before getting bored. Includes rope, cleat, carabiner, and a knot guide book. Great for securing things or just fidgeting nervously.

Got swept up in the fermented tea trend. This kit comes with a jar, cheesecloth, and 'Mother' SCOBY (Symbiotic Culture Of Bacteria and Yeast). She's... robust. Also includes instructions on how to avoid exploding bottles or growing strange things. Use at your own risk.

If you're getting into kombucha, you'll need a place to store your extra Mothers. This is a dedicated jar for that. It's... alive. Handle with respect (and mild fear). Comes with some starter tea.

Decided it was finally time to learn a useful language for post-apocalyptic scenarios or confusing telemarketers. Qapla'! This dictionary is mostly unused. My pronunciation was apparently 'unacceptable' according to online forums.

Decided to learn Spanish/French/Japanese. Used the software for three days. Subscription is definitely expired. The CD/USB/login info is here, but it's probably useless now. Comes with a phrasebook I wrote 'Hola' in.

Decided to make wallets or belts. Turns out cutting and stitching leather is tough. Kit includes cutters, needles, thread, and stamping tools. Comes with some small scrap pieces of leather.

Felt like becoming a modern-day spy/burglar... without the breaking and entering part. This set includes various tension wrenches and picks, plus a transparent practice lock. Great for unlocking doors when you lose your keys, or more likely, just feeling slightly more capable than you actually are.

Accumulated various padlocks and door locks to practice picking on. Includes standard wafer locks, pin tumblers, and maybe one slightly challenging one. All unlocked, obviously. For the aspiring locksmith.

Tried to control my dreams. Had cooler dreams before reading this book. Contains techniques that mostly resulted in insomnia. For aspiring dream weavers (or insomniacs).

Drinking honey wine from my own homebrew? Sounds epic. My batch tasted vaguely of yeast and disappointment. Includes fermenter, honey, yeast, and sanitizer. Requires time and tolerance for off-flavors.

Thought building a custom mechanical keyboard would be a fun project. Discovered soldering is hard and finding the right switches is a rabbit hole. Includes PCB, case, plate, stabilizers, and baggies of springs and tiny screws. Requires actual electronics skill.

Tried to achieve inner peace through daily meditation. Mostly achieved numb legs and intrusive thoughts about snacks. Cushion is comfy. Singing bowl makes a nice sound, good for pretending you're enlightened.

Planned to memorize decks of cards and phone books. Can barely remember where I put my keys. This book details various mnemonic devices. Unused condition.

Got visions of finding buried treasure. Found mostly bottle caps and rusty nails. This is a simple metal detector, works fine but don't expect to retire on your findings. Good for beach walks or annoying park-goers.

Had a brief, ill-advised fantasy of forging my own tools. This is a tiny anvil and hammer, suitable for shaping small wires or crushing your dreams. Requires actual heat and skill, neither of which I possessed.

Related to the Warhammer phase. Set of acrylic paints and small brushes for painting miniatures. Used to apply one layer of base coat before giving up. Paints might be dried out.

Relived childhood dreams of sending rockets into the sky. Assembled it, but never got around to buying the engine or finding a safe place to launch. Rocket is built, needs finishing. Launcher not included.

This seemed like a relaxing, long-term project. It is not. It is 1000 tiny pieces of wood and thread designed to test the limits of your sanity. About 5% complete. Comes with instructions that look like ancient scrolls and a tube of glue that's probably dried solid by now.

Wanted to make food that looked like science experiments. Created weird foams and spheres that tasted... odd. Kit includes various chemicals (alginate, calcium chloride), pipettes, and spoons. Requires bravery and an open mind (and maybe a strong stomach).

Thought growing my own gourmet mushrooms would be neat. Produced exactly three sad, grey mushrooms before the block got weird. Kit includes inoculated substrate block (mostly used), spray bottle, and instructions. Maybe you'll have better luck avoiding contamination.

Planned to make beats and become a music mogul. Downloaded a trial, never opened it. This is probably just a piece of paper with a website and expired trial code. The dream is free though.

Thought folding paper into elegant shapes would be meditative. Mostly resulted in crumpled frustration. Includes a large stack of origami paper and a book with diagrams that make zero sense to me. Good for making paper airplanes, I guess.

Fresh pasta! Delicious! Also requires a lot of elbow grease and flour everywhere. Hand-crank machine for making sheets and noodles. Used twice. Your kitchen will look like a flour bomb went off.

Dedicated hours to spinning pens instead of working. Includes a few modified pens weighted for spinning. Excellent for looking busy while accomplishing nothing. Warning: may cause mild bruises on hands.

Dreamed of owning and fixing a vintage pinball machine. Read this book. Realized how much work and specialized knowledge is required. Book is detailed and comprehensive. Requires actual pinball machine (not included).

Felt the urge to look like a wise old professor. Bought a pipe and tobacco. Tobacco smelled weird, never actually smoked it. Pipe is brand new, unsmoked. Comes with pipe cleaners and tamper.

Graduated from sock poi (see above). These are practice heads (no wick/fuel). Realized lighting things on fire near my house was a bad idea. For advanced practitioners with fire insurance.

Inspired by fire dancers at that one festival years ago. These are basic sock poi, good for practicing spins without setting your hair on fire. Less glamorous, still managed to hit myself in the head multiple times.

Got really ambitious. This is a small, tabletop electric pottery wheel. Made a wobbly cylinder. Requires kiln firing (not included, obviously). For trying to channel your inner Ghost.

Chasing that perfect cup. This Chemex brewer and filter papers are top-tier. Requires precision, a gooseneck kettle (not included), and patience. Produced decent coffee, but too much effort before 7 AM.

Panic bought this during peak uncertainty. Never needed it, thankfully. It's a basic gas mask, probably expired filters, but feels very 'end of times'. Good for costume parties or mild paranoia.

Planned to do giant jigsaw puzzles. Used this mat to roll up a puzzle I got 10% done. Keeps pieces from sliding around. Requires actual puzzle completion.

Got into remote control cars, then into making them slightly faster. Includes tiny wrenches, screwdrivers, spare tires, shocks, and gears. Turns out tuning tiny cars is still tuning cars, which I'm bad at.

Had visions of building retro game consoles or home automation systems. Got as far as booting it up once. Includes a Raspberry Pi board, case, power supply, and a bunch of wires I don't know what to do with. Requires coding knowledge I don't possess.

Saw cool resin tables online. Figured I'd make coasters. Made a sticky, lumpy mess. Kit includes part A and B epoxy (mostly full), various glitter and mica powders, molds, and stirring sticks. Wear gloves. And maybe a hazmat suit.

Felt a sudden need to polish rocks. This tumbler makes a lot of noise for weeks to produce slightly shinier rocks. Kit includes tumbler, grit, and a book about identifying rocks I forgot immediately.

A Rubik's cube variation where all the colors are the same, but the sizes are different. Adds an extra layer of spatial difficulty I wasn't prepared for. Solved it once using a guide, felt like cheating.

Had an 'idea' for a movie. Downloaded professional screenwriting software. Wrote exactly three terrible sentences. License is expired now, but maybe the motivation will rub off on you. Includes a blank notebook titled 'Movie Ideas'.

Planned to make my own clothes or face masks. Used it once to sew a straight line (mostly). Basic, functional portable machine. Comes with bobbins and needles. Requires fabric (and talent).

Decided to work on my balance. Set it up between two trees, fell off immediately. Used maybe twice. Includes slackline and ratchet tensioner. Requires two sturdy anchor points and better balance than I have.

Fancied making artisanal apple cider. This is a tiny press, good for about one gallon at a time. Requires a lot of apples and a lot of cranking. My arm hurt for days.

Making soap! How hard could it be? Apparently, pretty hard to make it look good and not just like colorful lumps. Kit includes glycerin soap base, dyes, molds, and fragrances. Your bathroom might smell like regret and artificial lavender.

After abandoning the sourdough starter, I had a lot of 'discard'. This book promises recipes like crackers and pancakes. Made one sad batch of crackers. Book is mostly clean.

Ah, the great sourdough craze of 2020. This kit includes a mason jar with some petrified flour remnants (RIP 'Bubbles'), a proofing basket, a dough scraper, and a sourdough 'bible' I read about three pages of. Your counter will smell faintly yeasty for weeks.

Decided I needed to solve a Rubik's Cube in under 30 seconds. Achieved 'under 30 minutes' maybe once. This is a fancy, magnetic speed cube favored by people who are actually good at it. Smooth turning, zero skill included.

Decided grinding fresh spices would elevate my cooking. It does, but it's a lot of work for one meal. Heavy stone mortar and pestle. Good for crushing spices or small grudges.

Prepped for the apocalypse by learning how to tie knots and make fire with sticks. This kit includes several hundred feet of paracord, ferro rods, tinder, and a multi-tool. Never left the backyard, obviously. Feels heavy, adds perceived ruggedness.

Attempted to become a sushi master. Produced messy rice rolls that fell apart. Kit includes bamboo mats, rice paddle, knife, and guide. Needs fresh fish (not included, thank goodness) and better technique.

Attempted to divine the future during uncertain times. Mostly just pulled 'The Tower' repeatedly, which felt accurate but unhelpful. Standard Rider-Waite deck and a book that explains what the scary pictures mean.

Thought a daily tea ritual would be calming. Mostly spilled hot water. Includes a teapot, cups, and whisk for matcha. Requires a level of grace I don't possess.

Tried to create a self-sustaining mini-ecosystem in a jar. Created a jar full of mold and sad plants. Includes various jars, charcoal, soil, moss, rocks, and tiny plastic figurines. Needs fresh plants and better ventilation.

Became convinced aliens were real and visiting. Never saw anything except suspiciously bright airplanes. Guidebook helps identify cloud formations vs. potential spacecraft. Good for paranoid stargazers.

Thought knitting was relaxing. It is, until you drop a stitch and have to unravel everything. This is a half-finished grey scarf, two needles attached. Needs someone with more patience (and skill).

Got about halfway through assembling this detailed model plane before realizing I lack the necessary dexterity and patience. Many small plastic pieces, some glued together incorrectly, many still on the sprue. Good luck finding all the pieces.

Got really into the idea of living off the land... specifically, the public park down the street. Kit includes a guide to edible plants (don't trust me on this) and a canvas foraging bag. Surprisingly, finding non-poisonous, non-dog-pee-covered food is hard.

Decided to learn ventriloquism to entertain myself. Charlie here mostly just stared blankly while I mumbled. He's in good shape, though slightly judging. Maybe you have a better rapport with inanimate objects.

Had a fantasy of restoring an arcade cabinet. Bought a box of circuit boards online. No idea what games they're for, or if they work. Looks like a pile of electronic junk. For the truly dedicated (or delusional).

Got back into vinyl. Wanted my records to sound pristine. This kit includes a cleaning brush and solution. Used a few times before realizing my records were scratched, not dirty.

Decided to paint tiny soldiers. Didn't realize how tiny or how much detail was involved. This is a box of unpainted Space Marine miniatures. Requires extreme patience, tiny brushes, and painting skills I lack. Still on the sprue.

Got into whiskey for a bit. These Glencairn glasses are designed to concentrate aromas. Used once to compare two bottles before deciding they both tasted like whiskey.

Decided I needed to be ready for anything. Learned how to build a lean-to (in theory) and purify water (maybe). This book is packed with useful info I hope never to use. Unread, looks rugged.

Became obsessed with complicated yo-yo tricks. Landed maybe two before giving up. Includes a few different yo-yos (responsive and unresponsive) and some extra string. Hours of simple fun or complex frustration.

Thought I'd become a vlogger. Sat in front of the camera, forgot how to talk. Includes a large ring light with phone holder and a flexible tripod. Perfect for looking slightly better on video calls or blinding yourself.